new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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