If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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