Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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