You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize