she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
