she woke up with a sticky ear
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
