you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you never un-have a 4some
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
