i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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