her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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