he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
