She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
