i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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