i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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