Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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