I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
