how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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