omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize