Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
