pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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