Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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