dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
