I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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