If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
