No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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