my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you would pick up someone in the library
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
