You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
