So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
