I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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