I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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