If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize