a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
