I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
