I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
