how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
