I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
