I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
did i just pee glitter
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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