yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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