You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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