Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
