my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
