6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
