We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
