i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
