How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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