Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
