I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize