There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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