I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
