Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
