She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have already put on my inside pants.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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