worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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