Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
whose ass print is on the piano?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
