If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
