before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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