I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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