Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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