so that wasnt chicken after all
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
