We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
