So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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