I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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