actually, I'm a sock model
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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