the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
