I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
