Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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