The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my shit smells like andre
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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