I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
