matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
