My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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