'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
