Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
