WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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