the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
